we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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