We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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