Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
