i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
