Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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