Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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