im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
