Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
