Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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