but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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