I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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