The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
