I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
