its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
