you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
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So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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