If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
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I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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