Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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