Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
