GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
not ubering you a puppy
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
