but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
