maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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