You can't motorboat a personality
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
