Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
