There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
that's an acceptable place to lick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
