And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
