you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
