youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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