Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
