I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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