Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
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His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
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I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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