so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
