i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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