in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
