my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
