jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
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I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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