im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
