Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
