He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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