you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
