Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
