So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
