I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
