I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
