the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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