I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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