I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
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I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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