You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
