so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
