I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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