so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
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That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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