Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
