watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Are we still banned from the library?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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