then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
