I want to have your abortion
We got so high we made milksteak
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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