Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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