so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
