the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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