His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
