"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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