i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
