when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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