farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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