will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
