did you get engaged???
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
