Just cropdusted the office
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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